My Visit to "Kevin"

Dear Friend of Justice,

Yesterday I finally met "Kevin" face to face. I have been corresponding with him for a long time, by letter and by telephone, but I had never visited him. I don't have a car and a visit is quite an expensive process involving commuter rail and taxis. Because my financial situation is so precarious, I've long known that I can't make a commitment to visit him often. But there were so many things I didn't feel comfortable talking about in letters (which can be read) and on the phone (which can be monitored and recorded).

I had been long puzzled about his first "crime" -- allegedly committed when he was about 13. At the time, his older brother was sexually abusing both "Kevin" and their four-year-old niece. When the niece began making accusations, the family made "Kevin" take the fall. I was horrified and curious how such a thing could have happened.

One thing I discovered yesterday is that "Kevin" has a different biological father than his siblings. Kevin's biological father was a man that the mother had been married to before she married the man who fathered the other children. This was no secret within the family. "Kevin's father" and his siblings have a different last name than "Kevin."

For as long as "Kevin" can remember, he was the abused child and the brother was the fair-haired boy. "Kevin" was considered the troublemaker and he did get into a lot of trouble. The brother never got into trouble. And no one knew that the brother was sexually abusing both "Kevin" and the little niece. Until the niece started to talk about it.

"Kevin" admits having done bad things to his niece and thus doesn't claim innocence. But he says that the really nasty things in the police reports and described in court were in fact done by the brother. He mentioned that there were times when the niece gave the wrong name and had to be corrected.

"Kevin" makes no excuses for his second crime, other than his abuse of drugs and alcohol and his denial of his true sexuality. This second crime, committed when he was 18, was far less serious than the first. He was sentenced to a year in jail. After serving his time, he was committed for "one day to life" as a sexually dangerous person."

Without the first "crime," he probably wouldn't have been committed. And without the first "crime," he probably could easily get the commitment lifted.

But there is no realistic way that the first "crime" can be removed from his record. For most intents and purposes, a conviction is forever. And everyone, including his own lawyers, has to proceed on the assumption that he really did the things he was convicted for.

During his "treatment," "Kevin" also has to act as if he did the things he was convicted for. At one point, he sent me the "autobiography" he had written as part of his treatment. None of the things he had told me about his brother were in it, even though I certainly thought they were an important part of his story. But the "official" truth is that he did the things his brother actually did.

Also, it is not to his advantage to let his "therapists" know that he was a victim. Although there is no evidence for it, almost all "therapists" subscribe to the cycle-of-abuse theory: if you were sexually abused, then you will likely become a sexual abuser. If the "therapists" knew he had been sexually abused, they would consider him more, not less, sexually dangerous.

Therapist logic is a lot like legal logic. That's why therapists and prosecutors work so well together.

"Kevin" is 22 years old, soon to turn 23. He was 18 when he was sent to his current facility. A month after that, his mother paid him a short visit. Yesterday, he received his second visit -- from me.

I would like to see "Kevin" given a chance.

He has had a terrible life. He has a lot of anger within him. I think it would be disastrous were he to get out and pick up alcohol or drugs. I have lived free of alcohol and drugs for over 25 years. I would do what I could to help him stay clean and sober.

I also think "Kevin" has come to accept himself for who he is and no longer feels the need to prove -- in inappropriate ways -- that he is someone else.

"Kevin" goes to court in July. His public defender will try to get the commitment lifted. I hope for the best, but I have told him not to be devastated if he doesn't succeed the first time. I have promised to visit him again. My partner Jim has also said that he wants to visit with me at some point.

There are a great many kids like "Kevin" -- kids who had the misfortune of being born into abusive alcoholic families. It's hard for them to find advocates or people willing to help them. So we lock them up for life.

There's got to be a better way.

-Bob